Overwhelmed....

I am sitting here with an overwhelming anxiety while writing this post. It has been way too long and there has been a lot going on.

For one, I miss your blogs, I miss my blog, and I miss touching base with my new blogger friends I have met...I think about what you are doing constantly and am having a very difficult time sitting down at the computer to catch up. This is rough.... I worked for 6 years teaching while I had my son Noah and always being a working Mom and going to staying home was an easy adjustment. But going from staying home back to being a working mom of 2 is not so much. I have adjusted nicely into my job, feel very confident with what I am doing, but finding the time after school till bedtime to spend time with my kids and do the dreaded housework is the worst part.

I really need to just let the housework go till the weekends, but always trying to keep my house tidy staying home has spoiled me....so I can't leave the house in the morning a mess and come home to it a mess. I will adjust in time I am sure...or hire a maid!!

The kids are doing well. Noah is doing awesome in 1st grade. He has lost his 2 bottom teeth, which were his first 2 baby teeth!! What an emotional time for Mommy!! He is doing so well at school with his perfect scores on spelling, reading, and math. I am proud :)

Sydney is staying with a SUPER friend of mine and is loving it. I don't know what I would do without my girl, Amy. She is watching my daughter during the day, and putting my son on the bus in the morning. She is God-sent!! Syd adjusted wonderfully to all this mainly because they are family to us. So thank goodness for that!

Hubby is teaching away, playing poker, and going to Vegas over Halloween!! I am so excited for him. I really hope he does well and goes far with it! He really enjoys playing and has gotten pretty good at it.

I, besides being overwhelmed, am loving having a paycheck!! I celebrate in the office each time I get one!! It feels great! We have been saving to do our floors that are well overdo!! I am so excited to have them done!!

I went again today for yet another blood test. My levels were lingering at 27 two weeks ago, so hopefully they are to 0 by now...gosh it feels like I have been going through this forever!

So life is good, just busy!!

I miss you all.

Still on the blogging train

I haven't fallen off the blogging train, but I am trying to fit my blogging into my life. In order to do this, I need to get my life in order. Truth is, it shouldn't be that bad because the only thing my kids are involved in is Cub Scouts. That is only one night a week. It isn't like I am running here and there every evening, but it sure feels like it. I have no routine right now. I will find my routine. I have to.

The truth is: I am spending an hour each evening to walk 4 miles with my Mommy friends. I will be the fittest chubby girl in my community at this rate. I am being careful by watching what I eat, but nothing is dropping.

Health isn't my thing right now for some reason. Hcg levels were at 97 last week, so they want me back at the end of this week to see if they are EVER going to make it to 0. September the 9th, I ended up in the ER during my workday thanks to a mix between unexplained dizzy spells ALL day long for 3 days till it got to the point where I couldn't walk and thought I was going to hurl. Apparently after stopping at Urgent care to be told I needed a referral from my PCP (what is the point of "Urgent" care anyway?) and 5.5 hours in the ER, I was diagonsed with Vertigo. Or BBPV. Very little info from the ER doctor about it, some from my PCP, and lots of research....I know that I have left lateral BBPV due to fluid in my left ear canal....nice right? Well, lets put it this way, I was a huge waste to society and my home for 5 days straight. I was healthy yet incapable of doing the smallest things. I will NEVER take my balance for granted again. EVER.

On the other hand, I have been doing some fun things the last couple weeks. We went to a WVU game with my family. Had a wonderful time with my Mommy friends! And went camping with my son and the Cub Scouts. I am trying to soak up as much time with my kids as possible in between working and cleaning this house!!

I will be back. I will keep this blog. For me. Especially. Till then....I am off to sleep. I am exhausted!! Miss your blogs and I will keep checking in!!!

I know right?

Two blogs in the past 2 days?? Impressive huh? I know I amazed myself on this one. However, I should be typing up a vocab quiz instead...but hey..priorities right? *chuckle*

So, a quick little update on my levels. Went to the doctor tonight to have more blood drawn to check. While there, I finally remembered to ask the girl what my levels have been the past 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago they were 2600 and on the 27th they were almost 800, which she tells me was a dramatic drop within a week. So, we are hoping this week they have dropped to around 100. We hope. I should find out tomorrow when the results come back in the morning and my doctor reads them. Till then. I continue to wait. I am thankful that I have this job to keep my mind busy because if I were home right now I would thinking about how much I want to be pregnant.

Kay enough of the "medical" stuff. I can't let that crap consume me...so let's talk 3 day weekend!! I am pumped. Nothing exciting planned. Just get caught up. Mom's Night Out on Friday night and catch up on laundry. Doing some walking with friends. That's about it. And I love the idea of it! Which means I only have to teach 4 days next week!! I only have to pack 4 lunches next week. Fill out 4 days of lesson plans. Wake up early 4 mornings. I LOVE it.

Till then....enjoy your Friday!!!

Gotta get all into one.

Do you know what the hardest part is about going back to work? My blogging time. I miss this and still very much need it. I thought I would be okay doing like one post a week or every 2, but I'm not. I need to post at least every couple days. *I apologize because this maybe quite lengthy as I have been holding out*

So, I need a plan. I may have to delete my Farmville time and blog instead. I finally caught up on some people's most recent blogs with a few to still read. I am the type of person who likes to know what is going on...or I feel left out. I never liked being the first person to fall asleep at sleepovers cuz I was afraid I would miss something. I didn't like bedtime cuz I thought my parents would have a party without me. I loved being at school events cuz something drama might happen and I would miss it all. So, as you can imagine.... not making the time to be on blogger or FB is killing me.

Work is going wonderfully. I am so blessed to have gotten to stay home for 3 years with my kids. Many people don't get that option, as they should....and I did. I am so grateful for that. But....I have to say, my mind was going. I couldn't think. I couldn't talk right. The whole "Use it or Lose it" quote came to mind. And I was losing it.

Mentally, I needed this. The think I was mentally ready for another year at home knowing I was going to have a baby. I would babysit, work online, and tutor to help out, but once the miscarriage happened, I no longer felt like I was mentally ready to do it. This opportunity to take over a good friend's classroom for the year was just the mental break I needed. It was nice falling right back into place with most of the same people I worked with there 3 years ago and knowing the building, the administration, and faculty really helped me get settled right in as if I never left.

It was funny cuz when I first walked into her classroom, I just stood there. I stared. I froze. Like I didn't know what to do with this huge classroom with empty bookshelves and desks. That moment, I questioned if I could really do this. Did I really forget how to teach?

But once I got rolling, found all the textbooks and novels, started putting the classroom together, I began feeling confident once again. I got things situated the way I like to keep things. Prepared for orientation night, for the first day, and the first week. I was ready for the world.

Something in me sparked. Like I was a first-year teacher. I had the motivation and spunk of the first-year, but the experience of an older, used teacher. I was finally convinced that this was what I needed. It was like riding a bicycle. I just didn't forget.

Parent orientation went well. As usual. I was confident but explained that I, too, was a parent so I understood what it was like. I explained how important communication is to me, etc. etc.

First day: I was reminded once again what it is like to teach in a middle school. You constantly yell: Right side of the hall way, keep your hands and feet to yourselves, throw your gum away, WALK! (you get the picture right?)

Classes were wonderful. They listened, they took my Interest Inventory which didn't surprise me when they all wrote that they hated reading. (Well, all as in all the boys...a few girls liked it). Typical. They do have learning disabilities. I dislike things I am not good at too.

So let's put it this way. I pray that I can keep the motivation and interest with these kids as I have now. Day 7 of school and they are so sparked and interested as I am with teaching them reading. (You see...language was my cup of tea 3 years ago, so this is a little bit of a change and I am liking it.) I hope I am still saying this on Day 150 of the school year.

My classroom for the year. Amy C, I hope you approve :)

In a nut shell...I am loving being back to work because:

1. I love having my own mailbox in the office: I love this. I am such a dork. I love to go check my mailbox like 4 or 5 times a day. And when it is empty, I'm sad. I want something....not something to do...but something. I am so weird. But I finally appreciate having my own mailbox.

2. I get to drive in the car alone: This is fabulous. Although I made it 15 mins (almost to work) with the music cranked and singing loudly till I realized that I was singing to my son's Kidz Bop CD. Yes, we have touched on this. I am a dork. However, the other days I got to listen to trashy radio shows and my music turned up so loud that the people in the back would blow an eardrum.

3. I have my own desk: My own little cozy spot. Where no one moves my stuff, hides it in other areas (my hubby), breaks my things (my kids), and its all mine. :) I can put things where I want them. I can rearrange them anytime. My germs. My desk. Love it. (Yes. I know. I am a dork.)

4. I have super students: They are entertaining and fabulous. I love it. They challenge. I love it more. Because I will find a way to help them learn and to make them want to learn. This excites me. Again. I love it.

5. I love to visit the cooks and custodians: Dude. They are my favorite people EVA! They make me laugh and keep my spirits up. Seriously, where I am working, they are amazing people.

6. I love coming home to my kids and house: I appreciate it again. When you are always home and always with your kids, you tend to take them for granted. Being away helps me value my time with them that much more. I miss them, but I feel like when I get home I am more all about them

Okay enough about teaching: Here are some pictures of the last couple weeks of our lives:

Noah lost his first then second tooth!! :)

And we went fishing with friends!!

Noah is doing fabulous in first grade. He loves his new teacher and brags that he is ever going to flip his tag or get a red slip this year EVER! He better not EVER lol.

Syd is doing well going to my friend's each and every day. She likes being a big girl. She tells us daily that someday she will be big and ride the bus like Woah (Noah) but she is little. (in her oh-so-cute "little" speech problem) :)

Hubby is back to work with his 20 work days before the kids come after Labor Day. This is a big change for him because he is back to helping out more around the house and taking more responsibility for the kids. I like it. I like it A LOT. Him....probably not so much. Oh well.

So, I have rambled enough. Need to sleep.

Back to School

My little man went off to 1st grade today! I can't believe how much he is growing and how fast it is going. He seems like an old pro at this and so confident. A different boy than a year ago. It was hard for me this year because I wasn't able to be there at the bus stop (or any this year) to kiss him and watch him get on. Fortunately, my husband doesn't have students yet in his county, so he went in a little later to help out for Noah's first day. I felt much better knowing that. But it wasn't the same. While Noah was getting ready for school, I was on hall duty in the school and getting my classroom ready for the day. I couldn't stop thinking about him and Sydney.

He just amazes me. In this picture, I tried to snap it as he was coming off the bus, but he took off running and jumped into my arms and said, "Mommy, I had a GREAT day!" I hope he continues to say that everyday and keeps this enthusiasm for school. Because I see how students get when they go to middle school and I am scared that will someday be him. (Although with 2 parents as teachers, it is highly unlikely, because he will be tortured with education...lol).

I have been back to the "working" mom stage now for 4 complete days and I have such mixed feelings about it all. There are many things I enjoy about being a working mom and many things I miss about staying home. I miss my kids terribly. I know I have no choice with Noah because he is in school. And the only thing I am missing with him is bus pickup at 8:00. I am there when he gets home for drop-off and this year I will be able to take days off to go on field trips. I was never able to do that babysitting and staying home. I had my friends, Mary, Amy & my MIL, help me out for days that I needed to run in and tend to things, but I always felt terrible leaving them with the kids because that was my job. But this year, I can be there to spend that time with Noah.

I feel guilty for not being with my precious Sydney, however, I only did this because I have my friend Amy across the street who I know will take excellent care of my daughter. She also has a 3 year old who is Syd's best friend, so they have someone to play with all day. But I can't help but think about the time I am missing with her. Honestly, though, I have come home these last few days and I am so much more appreciative of the time of have with them. I really, truly, needed this mental break for me. And in the long run I know it is best for them if I am sane. :) I feel like I am a better Mom, more organized, and ready to tackle anything. This year will be good for me.

Tomorrow after school, I have another blood test to check my HCG levels to make sure they are falling to 0. I pray that they are there or almost there. I want my body back to normal, so we ca begin trying again. My husband can't wait for that! ;) However, I am really tired now being a working Mom lol.

My next blog will be about my classroom and what I love about being back. Till then..... keep those blogs coming. I will keep attempting to keep up as long as Hubby lets me have the computer once and awhile!!

The waiting game continues...

So here I am waiting.

I went to the Imaging building today for my 2:00 appointment. The technician snapped about 150 pictures using the ultrasound and the internal ultrasound. It was hard for me to understand what he was snapping but it looked blurry and as if it wasn't all cleared out.

The only thing I can imagine at this point is that I will need to schedule a D&C soon. I have learned that I obviously can't "plan" for everything. That is hard for a planner to learn. We were planning on trying again in October. I guess we will be put on hold for December at least.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers.

My first day of work is Friday (I guess) lol. I am waiting to find out if I am "technically" hired yet.

Extra Extra Read All About It

New job. New haircut. New clothes. New news.

So much is new. It is all happening so fast. Winding out of control fast. First day for work is Friday (That is of course I am approved to be hired). Here is a recap of the last few days.

Friday: Last day of bleeding. Energy back. Got things done around the house. Spent time with my kids.

Saturday: Laundry room was finally organized and accomplished. I tore everything out and even pulled the washer and dryer out to clean. Kids did their chores. We went to the pool. Then went scrap booking at my friend Amy's.

Sunday: Went to PA to visit with my in-laws for a few hours. The kids got to meet their new Beagle puppy (Bella) and run around outside. Noah & Syd rode the 4-wheeler with her Pap. I even tapped into my "country girl" mode and took a ride with Hubby. It felt nice just holding onto him. We then went out to my parents for a cookout outside with family who came in from NJ. Had a blast laughing and giggling around the table. I missed them. The kids ran around and played.

Monday: Super busy day. I got up, went to Maryland to shop by myself (lovely but lonely). I cashed my online job check, went to the mall, got my hair chopped off, hit up Kohls and spent 1/2 my money. I got 3 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, sunglasses, socks, a pair of shoes, and perfume using my 30% off coupon. I got so much for around $140. I was so proud. I ran back home by 1:00 so Hubby and I could leave for a check up from the M/C in Virginia. My doctor checked me and said that my uterus was small, but my urine test was still coming back positive. So they did blood work to check to see what else was going on. Again...I wait. I thought this was over. I am feeling good and back to normal. I got home late afternoon, packed my bags and headed back to PA to spend the night and Tuesday with my Mom. Just Mom & Me! She made a fabulous dinner for my sister-in-law, her, and myself. It was so yummy! We sat on the deck and had a drink. We laughed and talked and I enjoyed every second of it! (Wow I just noticed that I was in 4 different states in one day today. WV..I live. MD...I shop...VA...I went to the doctor...and PA to see my mom. I love living where we are!!)

Tuesday: Mom and I got up, went on a 3 mile country back road walk in the heat. It was so hot! We couldn't even stop sweating for quite some time. We showered and then headed to Panera Bread for lunch and of course then to shop. I spent the remaining of my money on 3 more shirts and another pair of shoes. I can't even believe what I got for $220!! I have not shopped at all for myself for the past 4 years. No joke. I get a shirt here and there but nothing like this. It was exciting!

New News: While shopping today, I got a call from my doctor's office. They said my blood work came back and my Hcg levels are still quite high. They scheduled me for an ultrasound tomorrow at 2:00 pm. Of course, I call all my Hubby and closest friends to vent my fears. I also google reasons why Hcg levels are still high after a miscarriage and think the worse. Things like ectopic pregnancies, cancer, molar pregnancy, etc. etc....I am scared to death. I just keep praying to myself that this will all be over soon and keep reminding myself that God is here. Have any of you heard of such a thing?

I am getting off here and drowning myself in a good book. Its all I can do for now. Is wait. Again.